I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
