I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
