a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
