wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
