just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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