I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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