So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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