Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
