her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
