as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
