I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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