just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
