who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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