I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
