shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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