wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
