i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
