im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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