just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
