I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
