Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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