part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
