sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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