I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
