The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
