I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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