I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
