OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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