hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
