So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
