Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
