Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
