I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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