What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
