he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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