I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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