That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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