I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
