Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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