We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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