i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's just like the Real World with babies
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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