I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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