Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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