i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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