the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
