11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
