Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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