oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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