Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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