just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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