I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
