he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
