Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
