Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
