he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
